They made the rest of the ride in silence, the weight of their conversation hanging over their heads. His hands felt clammy as they approached his apartment, his leg bouncing with nerves. He could see the tension in the way she gripped the steering wheel, tapping her fingers against the leather.
She had put it all out there.
Did she still love him?
He glanced over at her, trying to discern something — anything — from her expression. But it gave nothing away, her face inscrutable as she focused on the road in front of her. He leaned his head against the headrest, his mind churning.
“Would it have mattered if it was someone else?”
The words had come without thinking, a gut reaction of relief and jealousy. He hated the unsettled feeling that lingered, breaking down the carefully constructed walls he had placed when it came to her.
He studied her profile, following the gentle slope of her nose down to the pout of her lips and the small indentation in her chin. It was so familiar, and yet, there were lines he didn’t know.
He wanted to know them.
He cursed under his breath as the thought slipped in without resistance. She briefly shot a glance at him, concern in her expression.
“Yup.” He responded, wincing at how terse he sounded. She snapped back at his tone, going silent. “Long day.” He added, by way of explanation.
She made a quiet noise of agreement, and he found himself desperately searching for words to say. The heaviness of the conversation from earlier sat over them. He was painfully conscious of her every move, from the way her fingers twisted around the steering wheel to the small adjustments she made to her posture as she drove.
She pulled up to the curb near his apartment, the tension between them growing as she grabbed one of his bags, walking up with him to the building. His fingers fumbled with the keys as he opened the door, his heart pounding against his chest as they climbed the stairs. He unlocked it, setting his bag down with a thump.
She placed the bag at the foot of his door, looking up at him. The dim lighting left shadows on her cheeks from her eyelashes, and he resisted the urge to reach out and touch the curl that had come loose from her ponytail and rested on her cheek.
He shouldn’t be doing this.
“I should probably go.” She murmured. But she remained where she was standing, her gaze locked on his.
They stared at each other, the only sound in the hallway the sound of their breathing.
He took two steps forward, his hands cupping her face as he took her lips in a searing kiss. She sighed into his mouth, her arms winding around his neck as he walked her back against the door, his hand floundering for the doorknob.
She broke away from him, breathing heavily as he moved to close the door. “Bags.” She murmured, smoothing her hair fruitlessly as he muttered an oath underneath his breath. He tossed them in a corner. He turned back to her, kissing her deeply, breaking only to lift the t-shirt above her head.
“Bed, Raj.” She said between kisses, her voice breathless. Wordlessly, he lifted her up, kicking off his pants as he placed her on the bed. She waited impatiently as he tried to undo the buttons on his shirt, his fingers shaking. With a relieved curse, he tossed it aside, moving towards her.
Her lips were warm against the side of his neck, trailing gentle kisses across his collarbone as his hands slid up her waist. She bit back a gasp when his hands found her breasts, roughly molding them against his palm. Her nails grazed the skin on his back as he gently pushed her down, placing himself between her thighs.
He paused, looking down at her. “Shit Anya, I’m sorry I didn’t check if you were –”
“I want you now.” She said, cutting him off swiftly. He swore, entering her with a swift thrust as she cried out his name. He took his time, gritting his teeth as the sensation threatened to overwhelm him. She moved impatiently beneath him, lifting her hips.
“What the fuck are you waiting for?” She muttered, pulling his lips down to hers as they kissed messily. He laughed throatily, his control hanging tenuously.
“I’m trying to last.”
“Don’t.” She snapped. “Just fuck me.”
His eyes darkened and he grasped her legs and raising them to wrap around his hips. She threw her head back as he kissed her neck, his teeth leaving a mark on her collarbone. He moved faster, her gasps urging him to reach his peak. She blindly reached for his hand, and he moved it to the spot where they were connected.
She came apart beneath him, crying out his name as he buried his face in her neck and thrust twice more. He felt the adrenaline rush as he groaned, collapsing on top of her before untangling their limbs and carefully rolling off. They lay next to each other, exhausted as they caught their breath. He turned to face her, brushing her hair behind her ear.
She reluctantly got up to use the restroom, her body thrumming with pleasant satisfaction. She could feel his gaze on her as she closed the door, and when she walked out, he was still looking at her. She leaned down to kiss him softly, her fingers lingering against his cheek.
She walked over to her t-shirt, tugging it over her head. His brow crinkled, and she turned towards him with a guarded smile. “I should probably go.” She said, by way of explanation.
Their gazes held and he could see the hesitancy in her eyes.
“Stay.” He said quietly. She inhaled slowly, searching his gaze for a long moment. She nodded hesitantly, tiptoeing back to the bed and sliding in. They held themselves apart from each other, the intimacy of the moment almost too much.
He leaned over after a tense pause, wrapping an arm around her waist as he pulled her towards him. She stiffened for a moment and then relaxed tentatively, and his fingers tightened around her waist. She nestled into him, fitting her body to his. He kissed her shoulder, and she let out a satisfied sigh.
They stayed there for a long while, enjoying the moment. His palm was warm against her stomach, and he could feel her breathing in and out against his hand.
“What are we doing, Raj?” She asked, twisting in his grasp. He stilled, exhaling slowly.
“Stop thinking.” He said finally, avoiding the question. Her face fell but she said nothing, curling into him. His eyelids grew heavy, and he felt her grow heavy beside him as she fell asleep.
He woke up to the smell of coffee, the chicory blend familiar to his senses. He felt lighter, the satiation giving him a warm feeling. The smell of the coffee stronger as he walked into the kitchen, wearing only his boxers. She raised her eyebrows at his attire as she gave him a once over.
“Like what you see, Iyer?” He asked cheekily, grinning. She rolled her eyes, ignoring his question.
“Coffee?” She handed him a mug, and he inhaled deeply as he took a sip of the dark liquid. She grimaced, shaking her head as she lifted her own mug to her lips.
“I can’t believe you can drink it black.”
“Sweetheart, what you drink isn’t coffee, it’s milk that’s been in the sun too long.” He drawled, the endearment sliding off his lips easily. Her cheeks reddened, and she shot him a halfhearted glare.
She leaned against the counter, taking a sip out of her own mug. She felt his gaze on her and looked up. His eyes lingered on her figure unassumingly, and he lifted his gaze to hers. Pleasant heat spread through her stomach, suddenly feeling self conscious.
Raj had not been her only partner, but there was a genuineness in his gaze that she had never seen with anyone else.
“You’re staring.” She said bluntly, unsure of how else to deal with the sudden rush of emotion she felt towards him. His cheeks darkened but he merely smirked, not missing a beat.
“I should get to work. I still have to grab clothes from home.” She muttered, pushing herself off the counter. He followed her into his room, watching as she grabbed her bra and underwear. He continued silently to the door.
Should he ask her if she was free later that week?
Did he even want to see her again?
The answer was so… easy.
He drew a deep breath, unsettled by how quickly he had answered his own doubts. The thought of dating her was dangerously easy, his heart skipping a beat as his gaze drifted to her. He struggled to tamp down on the overwhelming urge to ask her to stay a little bit longer, to walk over there and kiss her before she left.
He quickly averted his gaze, as if that would make his feelings less real.
He shouldn’t want this so badly.
She paused as she walked towards the door, adjusting her hair. She turned back to look at him just before she left. Her eyes flitted away, and she bit her lip, considering her words. “Do you want to get lunch with me on Wednesday? I get a little extra time.” She ventured uncertainly.
He froze, and she could see the walls immediately go up in his eyes as the words left her mouth. Her chest tightened as she realized that despite the last two nights, they were still exactly where they had been a few weeks ago.
Of course. She had made the classic mistake of assuming that having sex with someone meant that the relationship was actually going somewhere.
She pressed her lips together in a wan smile, struggling to disguise her emotions. She stepped back, the rejection stinging. “Right. Of course. I should go. I’ll see you around.”
He stared at her retreating back, his heart pounding.
She was walking away.
Before he could think the better of it he stepped out of his apartment, running to catch up with her before she could walk down the stairs. He grabbed her wrist to stop her and she turned around, confusion marring her features.
“Wednesday works.” He said abruptly. Her eyes widened in surprise, searching his face for any sign of obligation. Her face broke into a tentative smile, and his heart flipped at how right it felt. She nodded slowly, and his grasp loosened on her wrist.
“I’ll see you Wednesday then.” Her smile grew a little more and she bit it back, adjusting her purse on her shoulder as she turned away from him. He shoved his hands in his pockets, watching as she disappeared through the door. He ignored the warning at the back of his mind, reminding him of their history together.
For this moment, he just wanted to forget about all of that.
Song: Hello Hello
Artist: Lewis Watson
Note: A little bit of an early update for you guys since I’m traveling for the next week — I hope you enjoyed it 😉 Lewis Watson is a relatively new discovery for me, so I’m curious to know what you think of the song.
As always, the follow buttons are on the right, and if you find that you’re not getting notifications, try unfollowing and refollowing again. If you’ve got time, please let me know what you think, with a comment 🙂